WHY ACTING AS A CHALLENGE OFTEN FAILS?

In this post, I want to tackle one of the most common pitfall any student of this endeavor can fall to. I, myself is one of the best example of this case and it ruined my game for a year. Too bad, no one is there to correct my misunderstandings on this golden rule.

 

This industry of male self-development often teaches acting as a challenge to be a key 'switch' that can attract the opposite sex. Both experts and newbies can acknowledge this golden rule in one way or another. Sometime in their career and development, someone told them, either through person or through books or other materials that they need to play hard to get. In fact, my previous post tackled the importance of this particular topic. No one in this industry and endeavor can discount the significance and importance of acting this particular characteristic.

 

However for some students (or even for most) it seems that this particular gambit or character is not working. They often complain and claim that whenever they use and portray it, it backfires to them. When they act as a challenge, it seems the girl is not pulled towards them, the girls are even repelled to them. What the hell is wrong? Is acting as a challenge already became obsolete? Is it still advisable to teach and use it?

 

In answering this question, I want to mention first some of the most common specific actions and scenarios that our newbies complain. I believe this will be helpful in our analysis.

 

• The man does not send a text message at all. (to show her that he is busy)
• If the woman sends a text message, the man refuse to reply. (again, to show her that he is busy)
• When he stumble upon the woman he is gaming somewhere, he is not bothered to say hi or even to smile (to show her that he is not attracted on her or worst he does not know her)
• The man does not initiate conversation to the woman. (to show that he is not interested)
• When he talks to her, he consciously 'forget' her name (to show that she is not important to him)
• When the woman invites him for a lunch or something, he immediately turn down the offer (again, to show her that he is busy for other things or other woman)

 

What do you notice in the above examples? Are you still wondering why this 'acting as a challenge' backfires to its user? Is it really acting as a challenge?

 

There is a simple answer why it does not work or at worst backfires. Because it is not acting as a challenge. IT IS ACTING ALOOF!

 

We must remember that there is clear thick red line that separates acting as a challenge and acting aloof. Acting aloof is totally taking for granted of the woman. Acting as a challenge is having the patience to qualify the woman. Acting aloof is being passive. Acting as a challenge is being active. Acting aloof is being a dick. Acting as a challenge is being a man.

 

It is not bad and prohibited to send your woman a text message. It is not bad to reply on her message (most especially when it is an emergency). It is not bad to initiate conversation with your woman. It is not also bad to show that you remember her name. It is not also bad to accept her invitation for a meal or to invite her for one.

 

We must all see that the best relationship is the most mutual relationship. It is very immature for anyone to aspire for a relationship that is entirely one way; something like 90-10 or 80-20 kind of relationship. Though I believe that those kind or degree of relationship is possible and really happens in the real world, it is not the best kind of relationship. It is not even a long lasting relationship. As a student of this endeavor, we must all stop objectifying women, treating them as a mere game or mere objects for experiments. We must grow up. The best ladies men are the men who respect, understand and treat women fairly.

 

-Twiggy

ARE YOU TOO SMART TO DATE?

 

Logic kills attraction.

Logic kills attraction.

Logic kills attraction.

I put that statement up front and three times so everyone can see my conviction to the topic. If there is a single thing that can easily murder your feelings or your special someone’s feeling, it is the use of too much logic and reason in analyzing your relationships. The feeling of love is one of the greatest mysteries in the world. Since the beginning, logic and reason tried but failed to completely explain its wonders. No matter how many definition humanity will invent to explain or define love, no one can fully capture its essence.

 

You wonder why only few smart people can easily close the deal to the opposite sex? You wonder why the not so smart cheerleader is being chased by half of the graduating class? You wonder why your Science Quiz Bee champion is single since birth? Why does it seem that not so smart people are getting all the fun in dating while the more ‘intellectual’ people are just watching all the fun while they get none?

 

Below are the reasons for it.

•Too much Analysis of What is Happening

If ever our smarty pants got a girlfriend, the moment he noticed that his partner is replying to his text messages 20 minutes later than the usual, his brain will start to work as soon as possible. Why isn’t she replying? Is she with Football Joe? Where are they? Why didn’t she tell me that they will go out? Afterwards, he will confront her girl with some yelling and crying about the incident (imaginary) while her girlfriend who just emptied her cell phone battery is clueless about his boyfriend’s freak out moment. This will continue time and time again and the girl will leave him because of the lack of trust from the guy.

 

There is a study that says that 90% of what we are thinking that are bad does not really happen at all. Our mind is a reflex organ that will continue to supply us with its different assessments of the situation. We cannot stop it. However as the master of our mind, we have the control to redirect the work of our mind to more constructive ideas. We have the ability to move away from destructive thinking like always wondering if your partner is cheating on you. Why? This is because our mind is our tool. Don’t let your mind tool you.

 

•Always Thinking Ahead

You want the best tip in achieving happiness? It is this, living by the moment. It is the turning off of your brain once in a while to think of the past or even future. For smart people, most of the time, this is a load of work. Their minds are programmed to ping everything and compare it to the past or to the future.

 

Think of a mountain climber that when he reaches a summit of a mountain will say, “Ah, I’ve been to a better summit. This is not comparable to that,” or “Ah! My colleague said that Mountain X is more beautiful, I think I will enjoy more when I go there.” See, happiness cannot be experienced if you cannot cherish the moment. You cannot experience happiness if you keep looking forward or backward. What is worse than a partner who keeps whining for whatever he or she has?

 

•Too much Observation, Too Little Participation

Unfortunately, for some of the smart people, the world is a big experimental lab. There is nothing wrong there. In fact, I encourage people to get wild and explore the world. However, in their experiments, they are not the test subjects, not even the variables. What they do is they choose their guinea pig through their friends or anyone around them. When they want to know about dating, they observe and study people instead of having the guts to have the first hand experience. If you will take a look at their notebook you will see there, “Mirror your partner movements –notes from the cheerleader and the quarterback.”

 

I call these people, “too smart to date.”

 

We must all know that the best way to learn something is not to read books and thesis about it. Books and readings will help but the best thing is to go out there to engage it, to experience it firsthand. Only then you can perfect your craft and only then you can have a real happiness from your relationships.

•Conclusion

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against smart people. In fact, I am a philosophy graduate and I enjoy an intellectual and mind stimulating conversation as much as them. However, I learned that the human mind is a tool. Your mind is not you. You are not your mind. You're mind is a collection of your experiences, orientation, repressed desire, existing wants etc. In the end you are still the chooser of what you want and what you have to do.

 

As a tool the mind has its uses and limitations. It can be useful in answering the entrance exam in your future college and also will be handy when you are planning for your life in the next 10 years but in vibing or attracting the other person, the human mind has a very little use. In achieving happiness in relationships, try to calm down, try to feel the beauty of every moment you are with your partner and I am sure both of you will hold on for the company of each other.

 

-Twiggy

 

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ROUTE TO FRIEND ZONE I: THE MR. FIX IT ALL

Do you know what is the easiest, quickest and the most reliable route in to the friend zone?

 

Simple, become Mr. Fix it.

 

It is funny how many guys still use the ‘all knowing mentor’ approach to attract women. Though I don’t deny that it work sometimes. I cannot also deny that it fails more time

WHAT WOMEN LOVE AND WHY ARE MEN JERKS?

 

 

Jerks are drugs. This is the simplest explanation I can provide on the age old question of why many women love jerks. As with drugs, jerks are addictive to be with. No matter how much women and society disgrace jerks, they can’t deny in their actions that they are addicted with these ego centric pricks.  Below are the following commonalities of jerks and drugs.

Can’t get your hands on

Jerks are nearly impossible to be held on their necks. Together with drugs, society always tells us that we must beware of these men. However, they don’t consider a particular character of the human psyche that we humans desire what we cannot hold in our hands. We love things that are prohibited. Our curiosity urges to discover ‘what is’ with these things. This makes us to be intrigued and to be pulled toward these men.
F.J Shark would say, they can’t get their hands on jerks because jerks are moving so quick. People do not buy base on logic. People buy based on emotion and emotion is a product of motion. Jerks know this.

Provider of Pleasure

The drug industry does not have the best sales people in the world yet it is still a growing hundred billion dollar industry. This is because drugs that do not satisfy the modern need to consume but rather taps the very instinct of every individual, a quest for the feeling of pleasure. Jerks most of the time have the monopoly of pleasure. They have the monopoly for high intense feelings. They know the ins and outs of providing this kind of feelings. This make people to want them, this make them to able to charge any price for their service. Unfortunately, they are even allowed even the change for physical abuse and emotional rape.

Taste of Danger 

 

Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!” A teaspoon of danger makes us feel that we are alive. Danger helps us to break in the boring routine of our daily life. It makes us feel that beyond our expectations and comfort zone, something is there to discover. Jerks are dangerous and this in fact makes them attractive at least in the short term. The more they live to the extreme, the more we tend to like them.

Conclusion

These are the characteristics that make a jerk able to close the deal easily with a woman. Physical and emotional abuses are not necessary. It just happened that self centered people possess these irresistible characteristics making them able to price anything they want in exchange of their company. It is sad to know that most of the time they have the monopoly of these feelings without having any competition with nice guys. They are drugs with the monopoly of the intense sensation making you succumb to their bad side effects.

The good news is you can able to attract a woman without the abusive characteristics of jerks. What makes them attracted to jerks are the characteristics I mentioned above. Adopt them, study them, become them and I assure you that in no time, you will have the pulling power of jerks, without the abuse!

 

 

-Twiggy

 

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AGE RELATIONSHIPS: DATING AND MARRYING YOUNGER WOMEN

(Continuation of the article Analyzing Value)

AGE RELATIONSHIPS: DATING AND MARRYING YOUNGER WOMEN:

 

 

Are you afraid of dating and marrying younger women? Do you think they can’t really love you back? Is it only money that interest them? These could be the questions that are running inside the head of our older readers.

 

Is real love possible in a May-December affair?

 

Most people would believe that the only reason a younger woman will date an older man is for the sake of money and security. This is the common societal belief. For what other reasons aside from money will make a younger and beautiful woman prefer an old man if she can choose from a vast number of her suitors who are younger and stronger? This makes us believe that a May-December affair like this will never lead to a happy ending due to a crack in the foundation of relationship.

 

I don’t deny the fact that some women really date or marry old men just for the sake of money and security. However I believe that this is not the case in the general reality. We have also seen the extreme, some women date old men despite the man not being a rich guy.

 

Attraction to the opposite sex is brought more than money, looks or age and this is what we will be settled to solve in this article.

 

VALUE: THE DRIVING FORCE

In analyzing this, I believe we must take in to consideration what I always refer as ‘value.’ As I always say, value attracts people and relationships. For each social interaction, deal or negotiation, value is always taken in to consideration, whether consciously or not consciously. Value differs from person to person. Value is a product of what I refer as a combination of genes and orientations. People coming from different background often react differently in different values though in some cases, there are similarities.

 

Take for example two men, rich and poor and a two value system which is wealth and family. The first man is wealthy yet does not have a family while the other one is poor yet belongs to a closed tie family. The wealthy man I believe will be more attracted in having a family while the poor will be more attracted in possessing wealth. This is because of the dynamics of value. We want what we don’t have.

 

In other respect, there are also situation wherein there is an acknowledged universal value. For example, between the two men, I don’t think either one of them will reject a very beautiful and gorgeous girlfriend in their lives.

 

Why did I discuss that? This is because the foundational understanding of what value is will be very important in our attempt to answer the question of real love between an older man and a younger woman. The question now is this, “What is the value for a woman?”

 

After establishing this concept, the next logical thing to do is to study what are the values that are considered by a woman when she enters a relationship. In my experience, women enter a relationship out of two things, security (financial and physical) and good emotions. Security is easy; most people strive to achieve a financial and life security today. The trickier part is the value of good emotion; the concept is not as mainstream as the possession of wealth in attracting a partner.

 

WHAT WOMEN LIKE? EMOTIONS.

I believe that women want to feel a wide array of emotions, happiness, sadness, excitement, jealousness. Name it. The value of good emotions favors a man who can bring her all these emotions, no matter whether he is young or old. Though I don’t want to use the term ‘love’ here, let me ask you this question, Isn’t the person you love is the person who makes you happy, excited or even sad and jealous?

 

If an old man can provide this value of emotions to a woman, I can’t see why a woman will not fall for that old man. As we said, people are pulled towards value and these emotions are one of the most important values for a woman. If an old man can bring her those feelings what would stop him in taking the girl. In addition, old men are more adept in providing these feelings due to experience and self awareness.

 

Women are now allowed to work with equal or almost equal compensation as to the men. We are no longer living in a society of violence wherein there are no laws and codes that protect women and children. In this respect men do not monopolize the value for the survival of women and survival of children anymore. This makes this particular value to lose its edge in terms of attracting the opposite sex at least with women who are well off and/or living in the developed nations.

 

It is hard to swallow but most of the time all we have to provide are good emotions. Money, looks, body and age, they are all secondary. They are just bonuses. It’s like passing a term paper. Good emotions are the content of your term paper which amounts up to 80 percent of your grade. Money, looks, body and age is the design or the presentation of your work which can amount up to 20 percent. You can pass the course just for having a good content since it amounts to 80 percent of the grading system. What can we learn here? Good emotions are fundamental in making the woman to fall in love to you. Sometimes it is everything.

 

CONCLUSION

I am expecting some violent reactions from you guys from the truth that I said here. Many will say, “But Paul, I see that’s not the way around, I see it in my friend! That is not the case, I saw it in myself, that doesn’t apply.” All I can answer is this; the world is a big place. You can give dozens or even thousands of counter examples. The world is big enough to find instances of weirdness. What I am offering here is the general system in to which most of us play upon.

 

So for older men out there who wants to date or marry younger woman, I hope I had enlightened you not to be afraid of loving someone who was born two or three decades after you have learned to read. Never mind age relationships problem as most people would say. Just take this in mind what my aged ladies’ man professor always says to our class way back in college.

 

“Age is a question of mind and matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter!”

 

-Twiggy

 

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For Skeptics: Can Seduction be Taught?

Some of our reader ask TCJ this, “Can you really teach us on how to be successful with women"?

SITUATION 101: HOW TO ACCEPT TREATS FROM WOMEN

 

As a jerk,  it is not uncommon to be treated by women. Treats ranges from restaurants, movie passes, cellphone load, cellphone itself and even 'room fees.' For most men, this is somehow outside the box and beyond the imagination of some. As a result, there are some instances that a girl is about to hand the payment but the man is so not used to it that he refuses the girl's treat.

What are the disadvantages of refusing a woman's treat? Here are some.