(This article is contributed by Luffy)
Which comes First: Wanting or Having?
Let’s call it magic of love. Every time a man got involved in a social circle of two genders in an immediate community like school, office, clubs, organizations, or even neighborhood, his perspective on attraction will segregate the set of major targets from the minor targets in terms of his standard. Then, from this set of major targets, he will choose the “One” or his “One”. Notice the branching of women starting from the mixed group broken down to the targets till he discovers his One, who is in the topmost of his hierarchy. This mental segregation was done by everybody. And here is the magic: do you know which woman he is going to get after all his mental process? A common man will fall to someone from the minor targets or worse, from the mixed group--- it might be someone he never really expected and he will say as an excuse that it is destiny that brought him to this woman who broke his standard. It sounds magical, indeed, isn’t it?
But we need to bust this once and for all.
Men love to choose from groups of women. It’s a habit-- Or a hobby. Together with our comrades, we do girl watching and in our conversations, each will pick our bets. We see women and commend them for their fertile features to show our friends how good our standard is.
There are two kinds of women that surround you: First, the woman you have and second, the woman you want. The woman that you “have” might be the female friend, the admirer, may be your girlfriend that you are planning to replace or your minor target who is giving you a lot of indicators of interest. What is their commonalty? They are the woman that you, using a little gambit, can easily get intimate with because they are already into you.
The woman that you want is the woman of your dream who has the feature that you expect to replicate the legacy of your genes. She is the one your mom will be proud of. She might be the beauty queen or the cheerleader or the future chef who can buddy up with your mom in cooking your meal. In general, she has the quality that meets your standard.
Don’t be confused though. Yes, the woman you want might be the woman you now have. That is good for you and that is the exact point-- To have what you want. The challenge here is to identify the woman if she really fits your standard. You can notice that there are times that a woman out of your targets list suddenly made you felt the passion. If she won’t be attached on your so called “future”, that’s fine. Apparently, she liked the moment with no expectations just like you. Yeah, you are a guy who has urges. It is nothing after all, though there is still this sudden burst of guilt. She will do it because she is into you. There will be times that you will feel the guilt of having a woman kissed, fall for you and become intimate with you although you know that you don’t like her.
Here’s an ethical idea that you may get when you get intimate with the woman you have. You’ll find that you deserve the best. Everybody does and of course, even women.
Most of us will have a hard time explaining in words the standard you established in selecting women. Some people can do it in details. One thing you can bear in mind is this question: “Will this be the woman I will bet for when I am with my buddies?”. This bet is in the sense that in whatever way, you won’t lose. Although, be careful, for you might ask this question with the angst when you’re with your buddies. This is not meant for bragging. Remember, we’re talking about your standard not your friends’.
Most of the time, a guy will settle for the girl he has and not go for the girl he wants for one obvious reason: IT IS TOUGH! It seems impossible. And aye, that’s agreeable.
Danny Bae, a Korean immigrant, now an entrepreneur, shares his conversation with his business mentor: “I told him things cost too much. He said to me, ‘Danny, things don’t cost too much. You just can’t afford.’ I told him that it needs to be easier. He said, ‘Danny, it doesn’t needs to be easier, you just gonna get better. There is no need to be less challenge. All you need is more skill. There is no need to be less problem. All you need is more wisdom.’”
That makes sense if you agree that you deserve the finest things out of life.
If you want something, make it happen. If you want someone, have her. Limitations are manmade.
Notes
[ the usage of the term “common man” pertains to the average character of a person depending on his actions in the given situation. IT IS NOT MEANT TO GIVE A VALUE JUDGMENT. It is used to provide idea regarding the set of people who are doing the same thing. And so as to the usage of the terms “woman you have” and “woman you want”.
The author is a feminist and is everybody’s very good wingman.]
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1 comments:
This is a good read. I highly recommend it to all TCJ Readers.
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