May 17, 2010
Mar 23, 2010
In this post, I want to tackle one of the most common pitfall any student of this endeavor can fall to. I, myself is one of the best example of this case and it ruined my game for a year. Too bad, no one is there to correct my misunderstandings on this golden rule.
This industry of male self-development often teaches acting as a challenge to be a key 'switch' that can attract the opposite sex. Both experts and newbies can acknowledge this golden rule in one way or another. Sometime in their career and development, someone told them, either through person or through books or other materials that they need to play hard to get. In fact, my previous post tackled the importance of this particular topic. No one in this industry and endeavor can discount the significance and importance of acting this particular characteristic.
However for some students (or even for most) it seems that this particular gambit or character is not working. They often complain and claim that whenever they use and portray it, it backfires to them. When they act as a challenge, it seems the girl is not pulled towards them, the girls are even repelled to them. What the hell is wrong? Is acting as a challenge already became obsolete? Is it still advisable to teach and use it?
In answering this question, I want to mention first some of the most common specific actions and scenarios that our newbies complain. I believe this will be helpful in our analysis.
- The man does not send a text message at all. (to show her that he is busy)
- If the woman sends a text message, the man refuse to reply. (again, to show her that he is busy)
- When he stumble upon the woman he is gaming somewhere, he is not bothered to say hi or even to smile (to show her that he is not attracted on her or worst he does not know her)
- The man does not initiate conversation to the woman. (to show that he is not interested)
- When he talks to her, he consciously 'forget' her name (to show that she is not important to him)
- When the woman invites him for a lunch or something, he immediately turn down the offer (again, to show her that he is busy for other things or other woman)
What do you notice in the above examples? Are you still wondering why this 'acting as a challenge' backfires to its user? Is it really acting as a challenge?
We must remember that there is clear thick red line that separates acting as a challenge and acting aloof. Acting aloof is totally taking for granted of the woman. Acting as a challenge is having the patience to qualify the woman. Acting aloof is being passive. Acting as a challenge is being active. Acting aloof is being a dick. Acting as a challenge is being a man.
It is not bad and prohibited to send your woman a text message. It is not bad to reply on her message (most especially when it is an emergency). It is not bad to initiate conversation with your woman. It is not also bad to show that you remember her name. It is not also bad to accept her invitation for a meal or to invite her for one.
We must all see that the best relationship is the most mutual relationship. It is very immature for anyone to aspire for a relationship that is entirely one way; something like 90-10 or 80-20 kind of relationship. Though I believe that those kind or degree of relationship is possible and really happens in the real world, it is not the best kind of relationship. It is not even a long lasting relationship. As a student of this endeavor, we must all stop objectifying women, treating them as a mere game or mere objects for experiments. We must grow up. The best ladies men are the men who respect, understand and treat women fairly.
Mar 22, 2010
Today, it is very common to see bitter, angry and resentful people because of their bad experiences in love or even just dating. It is strange that during the relationship, these people are very ecstatic. However, the moment the relationship ends for whatever reason, they will shatter just like a glass of water that slipped from someone’s clumsy hands. To remedy their broken hearts, they resort to different ‘cures’. Some will drown their selves with alcohol, some will resort to drugs and some will even end their lives.
I believe that this suffering can be avoided with a change of mindset and perspective. In fact, I would say that a relationship that ended is not bad as it seems to be. I would even say that a relationship that ended is not bad at all.
There is a single idea in our head that can ruin a relationship, whether is just about to blossom or if it’s nearing its toll. This idea is not uncommon at all. In fact, we can see or hear it everywhere.
BELIEVING IN FOREVER
When we enter a relationship, it is absurd to believe that it will last forever. First of all, nothing in this world will last eternally. The paint on your wall will fade, the plants in your garden will wither, your adorable dogs will age. Why would anyone think that a romantic relationship is an exemption to this rule?
It is the belief that your relationships will last forever that will sabotage your happiness. If you think that there is a good chance that you will not spend the rest of your life to the person you currently love the most, you will save yourself from the unnecessary suffering when you part ways with your beloved.
Let’s expound this concept of acceptance. Take for example death, we neither curse death because it is inherently bad nor we praise it because it is a blessing from the skies. We just accept it as a part of our lives. We know that our life in this world is not permanent. The same mindset should be adapted in our relationship with others. We must think of its end as something natural and inevitable. It’s a natural course of anything found in this world. By doing so, we are liberating ourselves from unnecessary suffering and the bondage of being alone.
Many will say, “So I cannot be happy? Some may even accuse me that I am a cynic trying to pull other people to my cynicism. Some may even say that I am a miserable person looking for company. I say, “NO. YOU CAN STILL BE HAPPY.” But your happiness will not be based on a belief and hope for an everlasting relationship.
If this is the case, what you must do then?
Live in the moment. When you are in a relationship, cherish every moment that you share with your partner. Don’t look back. Don’t look forward. Take one step at a time. Live each moment as it should be and you will be amazed a new kind of happiness to manifest in your life – a kind of happiness that is not afraid of what comes next.
With this kind of perspective, you will really feel and experience a new kind of happiness. Happiness is not something that can be found at the end of your journey or to the manifestation of your happily ever after. It can be found here, right here, right now. You are not hoping and wishing for it because it is here, beside you. And the moment your relationship hit its wall, you won’t be resentful, bitter or angry since you’ve experienced happiness. Instead of asking, “Why did it end?’ you will say, “Thanks for being a part of my life.”
Feb 24, 2010
Logic kills attraction.
Logic kills attraction.
Logic kills attraction.
I put that statement up front and three times so everyone can see my conviction to the topic. If there is a single thing that can easily murder your feelings or your special someone’s feeling, it is the use of too much logic and reason in analyzing your relationships. The feeling of love is one of the greatest mysteries in the world. Since the beginning, logic and reason tried but failed to completely explain its wonders. No matter how many definition humanity will invent to explain or define love, no one can fully capture its essence.
You wonder why only few smart people can easily close the deal to the opposite sex? You wonder why the not so smart cheerleader is being chased by half of the graduating class? You wonder why your Science Quiz Bee champion is single since birth? Why does it seem that not so smart people are getting all the fun in dating while the more ‘intellectual’ people are just watching all the fun while they get none?
Below are the reasons for it.
•Too much Analysis of What is Happening
If ever our smarty pants got a girlfriend, the moment he noticed that his partner is replying to his text messages 20 minutes later than the usual, his brain will start to work as soon as possible. Why isn’t she replying? Is she with Football Joe? Where are they? Why didn’t she tell me that they will go out? Afterwards, he will confront her girl with some yelling and crying about the incident (imaginary) while her girlfriend who just emptied her cell phone battery is clueless about his boyfriend’s freak out moment. This will continue time and time again and the girl will leave him because of the lack of trust from the guy.
There is a study that says that 90% of what we are thinking that are bad does not really happen at all. Our mind is a reflex organ that will continue to supply us with its different assessments of the situation. We cannot stop it. However as the master of our mind, we have the control to redirect the work of our mind to more constructive ideas. We have the ability to move away from destructive thinking like always wondering if your partner is cheating on you. Why? This is because our mind is our tool. Don’t let your mind tool you.
•Always Thinking Ahead
You want the best tip in achieving happiness? It is this, living by the moment. It is the turning off of your brain once in a while to think of the past or even future. For smart people, most of the time, this is a load of work. Their minds are programmed to ping everything and compare it to the past or to the future.
Think of a mountain climber that when he reaches a summit of a mountain will say, “Ah, I’ve been to a better summit. This is not comparable to that,” or “Ah! My colleague said that Mountain X is more beautiful, I think I will enjoy more when I go there.” See, happiness cannot be experienced if you cannot cherish the moment. You cannot experience happiness if you keep looking forward or backward. What is worse than a partner who keeps whining for whatever he or she has?
•Too much Observation, Too Little Participation
Unfortunately, for some of the smart people, the world is a big experimental lab. There is nothing wrong there. In fact, I encourage people to get wild and explore the world. However, in their experiments, they are not the test subjects, not even the variables. What they do is they choose their guinea pig through their friends or anyone around them. When they want to know about dating, they observe and study people instead of having the guts to have the first hand experience. If you will take a look at their notebook you will see there, “Mirror your partner movements –notes from the cheerleader and the quarterback.”
I call these people, “too smart to date.”
We must all know that the best way to learn something is not to read books and thesis about it. Books and readings will help but the best thing is to go out there to engage it, to experience it firsthand. Only then you can perfect your craft and only then you can have a real happiness from your relationships.
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against smart people. In fact, I am a philosophy graduate and I enjoy an intellectual and mind stimulating conversation as much as them. However, I learned that the human mind is a tool. Your mind is not you. You are not your mind. You're mind is a collection of your experiences, orientation, repressed desire, existing wants etc. In the end you are still the chooser of what you want and what you have to do.
As a tool the mind has its uses and limitations. It can be useful in answering the entrance exam in your future college and also will be handy when you are planning for your life in the next 10 years but in vibing or attracting the other person, the human mind has a very little use. In achieving happiness in relationships, try to calm down, try to feel the beauty of every moment you are with your partner and I am sure both of you will hold on for the company of each other.
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Feb 23, 2010
As the final installment for our three post series that tackles the behavior and characteristics that lead men to the friendship zone, I reserved the last for the best and to where I believe all men can relate in one way or another. Of all the characteristics and behaviors that I mentioned, this is the most common and widespread. As the title said, it is BEING TOO NICE and NOT ACTING AS A CHALLENGE.
The human psychology, both male and female way of thinking is intriguing in such a way that most of the time; it does not act and behave in a logical and rational matter. For example, a person with diabetes will insist to eat a sweetly baked cake and person who is not feeling well does not have the appetite to eat what is in the table. Despite the known benefits or harm that is planted in our head for doing and not doing a particular thing, most of the time, we act contrary to what is rational and more functional to us. We witness numerous times in ourselves alone these particular phenomena.
Linking this discussion to our topic, why the heck in the world would a woman not to choose a super nice guy? What is going in her head that will make her prefer an ego centric prick rather a saintly creature? Is he really sane to choose a jerk over a nice guy?
The answer also lies in the human psychology but not on the common notion of rationality and our utility but rather to a more underground dynamics of what is really happening in the human mind.
Human does not value anything that he or she obtains or can obtain for free and easily. Do you remember the daily or every other day freebie in the grocery or supermarket? When the brochure or the product is handed to you, did you accept it or just walk pass it? If you accepted, did you bother reading it extensively or did you shoot it directly to the nearest trash can?
How about the examination result for a professional licensure exam? You may spend almost 4 years in the university just to be prepared for that exam? You also spent additional time and money for a review centre to really prepare you for the exam? The moment you received the letter stating that you passed, what did you do with the letter? Did you throw direct in to the trash can? Or you took the effort to laminate it?
Remember, they are same piece of paper.
I will not expound this anymore since I know that you know what I am pointing in here.
Nice guys that always fall to the friend zone are just the same as the free brochure being handed in the grocery store. They give their services and self for free. They are handed out rather than bought and sold. Men who know their way to women on the other hand do not hand their selves for free. Aside from being sold and bought, they are the one who choose their buyers.
Being too nice and refusing to be a challenge is the most widespread characteristic that will blow your success to get valuable women. As far as these girls are concerned, you are a mere ‘next guy’. They already have in their little pink notebook of ‘chodes’ the men that will pamper and orbit them. The moment you show your super nice characteristics, you just buy yourself a place in their little pink notebook of chodes.
What can you do then for your one of a kind name not to enter that little pink notebook? Below are some quick pointers you can use.
· Don’t always be too available.
· Turn down their requests once in a while.
· If you are to grant their request or invitation, ask them to give you something in return (i.e. saying please or asking for a kiss)
· Don’t feel conscious or don’t be afraid to ask them for help.
· Befriend, flirt or engage with other women.
Just like how diamonds are treasured by women because of their rarity and scarcity, me that are challenging also enjoys the same benefits of being treasured and valued. Actually, women fight over with men of this caliber, as Jean de La Bruyère would say, “It is because of men that women dislike one another.”
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Feb 22, 2010
Failing to push the trigger or the inability to advance physically is equals to boredom. Failure to advance physically is equals timidity. Not advancing enough leads to the dreaded friend zone.
Feb 21, 2010
Feb 20, 2010
Feb 19, 2010
Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is
the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what
you shall at last unveil.
This is one of the most beautiful sentences ever uttered by any man that will define the real importance of dreams. Whatever is going in to your mind, you will be. Whatever manifests in your life, it already occupied your mind before in one way or another.
Dr. Maxwell Maltz in his book of Psycho Cybernetics taught us a very important lesson we must all take in mind. Whatever we conceive and dream in our mind, we are moving towards it day by day. This is a fact for all of us. It is just too sad that only few people managed to think this over and benefit from it.
Look back a few years back, think of something you badly want two to three years ago. Refresh the memories of you wanting it, refresh the feelings that when you say to yourself that the moment you hold it in your hands, you will be the happiest person in the world. You are thinking of it despite the fact that you do not know how you will ever take possession of that thing.
Then go back to where you are now? Do you have that thing you are always dreaming for the last three years? Whether it is something or someone, there is a good chance that you are already holding it in your hands or he/she is sitting beside you. What you are dreaming before already manifested in your life at the moment.
This is true for all of us. It just happened that we cannot track what is happening to our life moment by moment. Also, we are literally forgetful.
Dreams make us move. Dreams make us act. Dreams make us walk to the general direction of our goals and ambitions. The human mind is like a computer program. If you define a goal and purpose for it, every single day, it will make you move closer and closer to its ideal that is going in your head… until the realization and materialization of what you are aspiring for.
There is a cycle; today or tomorrow maybe you are having a dream or ambition of yours that you dying to have. You badly want it and you are saying to yourself that the moment you have it, you will become the happiest person on earth. At the same time, you do not know how you will have it. At the same time, there is no rational and viable way for you take it.
However, few years in to the future, you already have it. The first thing you need to do is to plant the dream in your head, not permitting anyone to take it away from there.
As I said, this is a cycle. Not a viscous cycle but rather a beautiful cycle especially when we understand its dynamics. We dream, we act and we succeed. And then we dream again, so on, so forth.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
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