Mar 22, 2010

THE FAIRY TALE SYNDROME AND THE HUMAN SUFFERING

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Today, it is very common to see bitter, angry and resentful people because of their bad experiences in love or even just dating. It is strange that during the relationship, these people are very ecstatic. However, the moment the relationship ends for whatever reason, they will shatter just like a glass of water that slipped from someone’s clumsy hands. To remedy their broken hearts, they resort to different ‘cures’. Some will drown their selves with alcohol, some will resort to drugs and some will even end their lives.

I believe that this suffering can be avoided with a change of mindset and perspective. In fact, I would say that a relationship that ended is not bad as it seems to be. I would even say that a relationship that ended is not bad at all.

There is a single idea in our head that can ruin a relationship, whether is just about to blossom or if it’s nearing its toll. This idea is not uncommon at all. In fact, we can see or hear it everywhere.

BELIEVING IN FOREVER

When we enter a relationship, it is absurd to believe that it will last forever. First of all, nothing in this world will last eternally. The paint on your wall will fade, the plants in your garden will wither, your adorable dogs will age. Why would anyone think that a romantic relationship is an exemption to this rule? moment_10

It is the belief that your relationships will last forever that will sabotage your happiness. If you think that there is a good chance that you will not spend the rest of your life to the person you currently love the most, you will save yourself from the unnecessary suffering when you part ways with your beloved.

Let’s expound this concept of acceptance. Take for example death, we neither curse death because it is inherently bad nor we praise it because it is a blessing from the skies. We just accept it as a part of our lives. We know that our life in this world is not permanent. The same mindset should be adapted in our relationship with others. We must think of its end as something natural and inevitable. It’s a natural course of anything found in this world. By doing so, we are liberating ourselves from unnecessary suffering and the bondage of being alone.

Many will say, “So I cannot be happy? Some may even accuse me that I am a cynic trying to pull other people to my cynicism. Some may even say that I am a miserable person looking for company. I say, “NO. YOU CAN STILL BE HAPPY.” But your happiness will not be based on a belief and hope for an everlasting relationship.

If this is the case, what you must do then?

Live in the moment. When you are in a relationship, cherish every moment that you share with your partner. Don’t look back. Don’t look forward. Take one step at a time. Live each moment as it should be and you will be amazed a new kind of happiness to manifest in your life – a kind of happiness that is not afraid of what comes next.

With this kind of perspective, you will really feel and experience a new kind of happiness. Happiness is not something that can be found at the end of your journey or to the manifestation of your happily ever after. It can be found here, right here, right now. You are not hoping and wishing for it because it is here, beside you. And the moment your relationship hit its wall, you won’t be resentful, bitter or angry since you’ve experienced happiness. Instead of asking, “Why did it end?’ you will say, “Thanks for being a part of my life.”

-Twiggy

About The Author
The Cool Jerks Team is a group of men helping other men to understand women.
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