Logic kills attraction.
Logic kills attraction.
Logic kills attraction.
I put that statement up front and three times so everyone can see my conviction to the topic. If there is a single thing that can easily murder your feelings or your special someone’s feeling, it is the use of too much logic and reason in analyzing your relationships. The feeling of love is one of the greatest mysteries in the world. Since the beginning, logic and reason tried but failed to completely explain its wonders. No matter how many definition humanity will invent to explain or define love, no one can fully capture its essence.
You wonder why only few smart people can easily close the deal to the opposite sex? You wonder why the not so smart cheerleader is being chased by half of the graduating class? You wonder why your Science Quiz Bee champion is single since birth? Why does it seem that not so smart people are getting all the fun in dating while the more ‘intellectual’ people are just watching all the fun while they get none?
Below are the reasons for it.
•Too much Analysis of What is Happening
If ever our smarty pants got a girlfriend, the moment he noticed that his partner is replying to his text messages 20 minutes later than the usual, his brain will start to work as soon as possible. Why isn’t she replying? Is she with Football Joe? Where are they? Why didn’t she tell me that they will go out? Afterwards, he will confront her girl with some yelling and crying about the incident (imaginary) while her girlfriend who just emptied her cell phone battery is clueless about his boyfriend’s freak out moment. This will continue time and time again and the girl will leave him because of the lack of trust from the guy.
There is a study that says that 90% of what we are thinking that are bad does not really happen at all. Our mind is a reflex organ that will continue to supply us with its different assessments of the situation. We cannot stop it. However as the master of our mind, we have the control to redirect the work of our mind to more constructive ideas. We have the ability to move away from destructive thinking like always wondering if your partner is cheating on you. Why? This is because our mind is our tool. Don’t let your mind tool you.
•Always Thinking Ahead
You want the best tip in achieving happiness? It is this, living by the moment. It is the turning off of your brain once in a while to think of the past or even future. For smart people, most of the time, this is a load of work. Their minds are programmed to ping everything and compare it to the past or to the future.
Think of a mountain climber that when he reaches a summit of a mountain will say, “Ah, I’ve been to a better summit. This is not comparable to that,” or “Ah! My colleague said that Mountain X is more beautiful, I think I will enjoy more when I go there.” See, happiness cannot be experienced if you cannot cherish the moment. You cannot experience happiness if you keep looking forward or backward. What is worse than a partner who keeps whining for whatever he or she has?
•Too much Observation, Too Little Participation
Unfortunately, for some of the smart people, the world is a big experimental lab. There is nothing wrong there. In fact, I encourage people to get wild and explore the world. However, in their experiments, they are not the test subjects, not even the variables. What they do is they choose their guinea pig through their friends or anyone around them. When they want to know about dating, they observe and study people instead of having the guts to have the first hand experience. If you will take a look at their notebook you will see there, “Mirror your partner movements –notes from the cheerleader and the quarterback.”
I call these people, “too smart to date.”
We must all know that the best way to learn something is not to read books and thesis about it. Books and readings will help but the best thing is to go out there to engage it, to experience it firsthand. Only then you can perfect your craft and only then you can have a real happiness from your relationships.
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against smart people. In fact, I am a philosophy graduate and I enjoy an intellectual and mind stimulating conversation as much as them. However, I learned that the human mind is a tool. Your mind is not you. You are not your mind. You're mind is a collection of your experiences, orientation, repressed desire, existing wants etc. In the end you are still the chooser of what you want and what you have to do.
As a tool the mind has its uses and limitations. It can be useful in answering the entrance exam in your future college and also will be handy when you are planning for your life in the next 10 years but in vibing or attracting the other person, the human mind has a very little use. In achieving happiness in relationships, try to calm down, try to feel the beauty of every moment you are with your partner and I am sure both of you will hold on for the company of each other.
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